Jokes Humour Fun

Woman Keeping Secrets

 

Jeeto complained to her friend Preeto

"She told me that you told her the secret I told you not to tell her."

"Well," replied Preeto in a hurt tone, "I told her not to tell you I told her."

"Oh dear!" sighed Jeeto. "Well, don't tell her I told you that she told me."

 

 

Cowboy problems

The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this he whispered to the cowboy, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The cowboy groaned but didn't budge. The usher became more impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there, I'm going to have to call the manager. The cowboy just groaned.

The usher marched briskly back up the aisle. In a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's you're name?"

"Rambo," the cowboy moaned.

"Where ya from, Rambo?"

With pain in his voice Rambo replied.... "The balcony."

 

 

Crossing a Red Light

In the traffic court a young lady was brought before the judge to answer for a ticket given her for driving through a red light.

She explained to his honor that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case so she could get to the school on time.

A wild gleam came into the judge's eyes.

"You're a school teacher, eh?" he said. "Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition. I've waited years to have a school teacher in this court. Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not drive through red lights' 500 times!

 

Age that matters.

Father to son: Do you know how Mr.Jawaharlal Nehru was reading at your age, day and night?
Son: I do not know how he was studying at my age, but I know he was a prime minister at your age.

 

 

Performance Appraisal Report

Attention: Human Resources
Hemant  Sharma, my assistant programmer, can always be found

hard at work in his cubicle. Hemant  works independently, without

wasting company time talking to colleagues. Hemant  never

thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always

finishes given assignments on time. Often Hemant  takes extended

measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping

coffee breaks. Hemant  is an individual who has absolutely no

vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound

knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Hemant  can be

classed as a high-calibre employee, the type which cannot be

dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Hemant  be

promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be

executed as soon as possible.

Regards,
Project Leader

e-mail two Attention: Human Resources
Hemant  Sharma was reading over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd numbered lines [1, 3, 5, etc.] for my true assessment of his ability.
Regards,
Project Leader

 

 

 

Must Read for Sales Guys

Boss to Sales Executive: Get 5 lacs business by today evening anyhow.
Sales Executive:That's Impossible Sir!
Boss: What Impossible? Impossible word itself says I'm possible.

In Evening...,
Executive: Boss, I got 10 lacs business.
Boss: Great! How come this miracle happened?
Executive: I cheated the client.
Boss: That's Immoral.
Executive: What Immoral? Immoral word itself says I'm moral.

 

Anything else my lord

A small boy was standing in a street and was trying to ring the bell of a house. His hand was not reaching up there so he was trying to jump. An old man enters the street and as he sees that child unabling to ring the bell he smiles and turns up to the boy and ring the bell twice and says " Anything else my lord ?" The child replys sharply " Now run quickly before they come out and beat both of us ".