Police OR Ambulance
Wife:Look, a thief has entered our kitchen & he is eating the cake I made..
Husband:Whom should I call now POLICE or AMBULaNCE...............
Domain Knowledge
Boy was telling the story to his IT friends and trying to explain the Importance of domain knowledge....
One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me and my brother who is four years older than I am. I was maybe 3 and half years old and had just recovered from an accident in which my arm had been broken among other injuries.
Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news and my brother was playing nearby in the living room when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home.
My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!!'
My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up, then she says to him, 'Did it ever occur to you that the only place that baby can reach to get water is the toilet??'
....Mothers know!!
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Domain knowledge is very important!!! Else your supplier will trick you......
Effects of alcohol
A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms. “Now, class. Observe closely the worms,” said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.
The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.
“Now, what lesson can we learn from this experiment?” the professor asked.
Little Salman, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded…
“Drink whiskey and you won’t get worms!”
Getting A Better Warranty
An angry motorist went back to a garage where he'd purchased an expensive battery for his car six months earlier.
"Listen," the motorist grumbled to the owner of the garage, "when I bought that battery you said it would be the last battery my car would ever need. It died after only six months!"
"Sorry," apologized the garage owner. "I didn't think your car would last longer than that."
Tongue and the teeth
Once tongue and teeth had a fight so teeth told to tongue you are only one fellow we are 32 people be careful with us if we decide we will cut into pieces be careful so tongue told fellows you may be 32 and I may be single if I misbehave one word in front any one if they slap you all 32 of you will fall down so you be careful with me
Identity Problem
Santa and Banta sitting in the bar at Raja Sansi Airport, Amritsar.
"I've come to meet my brother," said the Santa. "He's due to fly in from Canada in an hour's time. It's his first trip home in forty years."
"Will you be able to recognize him?" asked the Banta.
"I'm sure I won't," said Santa, "after all, he's been away for a long time."
"I wonder if he'll recognize you?" said the Banta.
"Of course he will," said Santa. "Sure, I haven't been away at all."
Getting Lucky In Vegas
A girl walks up to a Coke machine in a Las Vegas casino, puts in a few coins, and out pops a Coke. She puts some more coins into the machine, and another can of soda pops out. She keeps putting in coins, and cans of soda keep coming out.
A guy walks up behind her and says, "Can I please use the machine?"
"Buzz off!" she says. "Can't you see I'm winning?"
TAX structure in India
1) Qus. : What are you doing?
Ans.: Business.
Tax: PAY PROFESSIONAL TAX!
2) Qus. : What are you doing in Business?
Ans.: Selling the Goods.
Tax: PAY SALES TAX!!
3) Qus. : From where are you getting Goods?
Ans.: From other State/Abroad
Tax: PAY CENTRAL SALES TAX, CUSTOM DUTY & OCTROI!
4) Qus. : What are you getting in Selling Goods?
Ans.: Profit.
Tax: PAY INCOME TAX!
5) Qus. : Where you Manufacturing the Goods?
Ans.: Factory.
Tax: PAY EXCISE DUTY!
6) Qus. : Do you have Office / Warehouse/ Factory?
Ans.: Yes
Tax: PAY MUNICIPAL & FIRE TAX!
7) Qus. : Do you have Staff?
Ans.: Yes
Tax: PAY STAFF PROFESSIONAL TAX!
8) Qus. : Doing business in Millions?
Ans.: Yes
Tax: PAY TURNOVER TAX!
9) Qus. : Are you taking out over 25,000 Cash from Bank?
Ans.: Yes, for Salary.
Tax: PAY CASH HANDLING TAX!
10) Qus. : Where are you taking your client for Lunch & Dinner?
Ans.: Hotel
Tax: PAY FOOD & ENTERTAINMENT TAX!
11) Qus. : Are you going Out of Station for Business?
Ans.: Yes
Tax: PAY FRINGE BENEFIT TAX!
12) Qus. : Have you taken or given any Service/s?
Ans.: Yes
Tax : PAY SERVICE TAX!
13) Qus. : How come you got such a Big Amount?
Ans.: Gift on birthday.
Tax: PAY GIFT TAX!
14) Qus. : Do you have any Wealth?
Ans.: Yes
Tax: PAY WEALTH TAX!
15) Qus. : To reduce Tension, for entertainment, where are you going?
Ans.: Cinema or Resort.
Tax: PAY ENTERTAINMENT TAX!
16) Qus. : Have you purchased House?
Ans.: Yes
Tax : PAY STAMP DUTY & REGISTRATION FEE !
17) Qus. : How you Travel?
Ans.: Bus
Tax: PAY SURCHARGE!
18) Qus. : Any Additional Tax?
Ans.: Yes
Tax: PAY EDUCATIONAL, ADDITIONAL EDUCATIONAL & SURCHARGE ON ALL THE CENTRAL GOVT.'s TAX !!!
19) Qus. : Delayed any time Paying Any Tax?
Ans.: Yes
Tax: PAY INTEREST & PENALTY
The great Wife
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?"
"What dear?" She asked gently.
"I think you bring me bad luck."
Funny Equations
SSC + HSC + BTech + MBA = UNEMPLOYMENT
An Idea + An Idiot = A Dot com.
One Chinese gymnast = India's Gold Medal tally since 1896
Sushmita Sen - 1.2 feet = Salman Khan.
Special Effects in Shampoo ads = Special effects in Jurassic park.
4 weeks in Switzerland + London + New Zealand + Canada = a 4 minute song in Hindi movie.
Ajay Devgan + cosmetic surgery + acting ability + personality + own production company = Kajol..
Rona dhona x Bewafai x Badle ki aag = Your mum's favorite serials.
Amitabh Bachchan + Jaya Bachchan - Talent = Abhishek Bachchan
Any actor + Any actress + many movies = David Dhawan
1 smile + 32 teeth = Govinda
1 person - shirt = Salman Khan
1 person + straight hair + un-straight walk = Sanjay Dutt
1 hand + 10 kg weight = Sunny Deol
One engagement + Two weddings + Three wedding songs + Four hundred Relatives + A house bigger than Buckingham Palace = One Sooraj Barjataya Film
Reading mails all the time + no replies = Silence of the Lamb!
Qualified Employee + No Work = Forward mails
Where is your wife ???????
A guy was known among his friends to be very brief and to the point-he really never said too much. One day, a saleswoman promoting a certain brand of brushes knocked his door and asked to see his wife, so the guy told her that she wasn't home.
"Well," the woman said "could I please wait for her?"
"The man directed her to the drawing room and left her there for more than three hours. After feeling really worried, she called out for him and asked," May I know where your wife is?"
"She went to the cemetery," he replied.
"And when is she coming?"
"I don t really know," he said. "She s been there eleven years now,"
Guys improve over time
Two guys were sitting around talking one day. The first guy said, "Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market."
"Sounds like you may be bitter because she has changed you so drastically, " remarked his friend.
The first guy replied, "No, I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me."
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